the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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