it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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