if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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