We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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