Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
