Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
