I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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