I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
