Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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