Cold hands, warm shart.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
