I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
