i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
