gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
