Having a random hookup so left but love u
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
