i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
