she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
