your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
