left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
