I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Panties = found
Randomize
