When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
