I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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