True but thats because hes a fetus.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
