Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
