YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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