Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
