My hair reeks of homosexuality.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
