I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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