if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
