i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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