yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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