Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
