All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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