I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
