You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
that is very illegal...i love you.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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