I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
