If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
