just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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