if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
They have beer where we have blood.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
