Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
