You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
