Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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