you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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