sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
