I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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