I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
