with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
