she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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