He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
