please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
