ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
