I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
