I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
