i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Pants are for mortals
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
