He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
