i'm signing you up for texting rehab
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
what day is it and did you see me today?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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