I forgot how hot balto sounded
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
