im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
